Tuesday, March 31, 2015


The majority of the time I feel like I am a pretty good mom. There are times I look around at what I have accomplished in a day and think, "Damn. I'm good." My baby is happy, when she is not upset that she cant run around holding scissors, my husband is happy, I am happy, usually. I have a great family, loving friends. A dog, that even though he has been exiled to the back room and backyard, still optimistically looks through the window thinking he may be let it today, or may get a good pat on the head, or may be let in to clean up Delilah's dinner off the floor.

It's good.

And then, there are those days. Days where I feel like I am not doing anything right. Where I actually think, "Is there something wrong with my child?" Days where I let Delilah watch way too much tv, eat questionable food, and am way too quick to lose my temper. 

One of the hardest things about motherhood, I have found, is balance. How in the hell are you supposed to play with your baby, have conversations with your husband, keep up friendships, get back into hobbies you loved, and take time for yourself? If I keep up with one of these things, I feel like something else gets ignored. Something gets sacrificed. And let's face it. This something is usually me. Or my hair. Or my feet. Or my clothes. Or my life.

I am in a constant struggle with day to day chores. Keeping up with the house, laundry, those damn dishes. The leaves that find their way in, the crumbs left on the floor, or the sticky spot on the floor where Delilah decided to test the strength of her sippy cup. It wasn't strong. They do not hold up. Is anyone going to ever invent a real spill proof cup?

I try not to focus in on that stuff. But, shit. It's hard.

As my Dad always said to us, "If one more thing happens, I'm going to Tahiti." 
"If you get another dog, I'm going to Tahiti."
"If you got another brother or sister, I'm going to Tahiti."
"If you fail your classes, I'm going to Tahiti."

Dad. I think it is time you and I go to Tahiti. 


What does going to Tahiti have to do with balance, I'm sure you're wondering? Nothing. But I am pretty sure that if I went, I would come back mentally locked and loaded, ready to get shit done. And have a nice tan. 

This is as close to a solution as I have come up with, when it comes to balancing motherhood, chores, marriage, friendship, relationships, cooking dinner, hobbies, making time for myself, taking a shower, grocery shopping, going pee, changing diapers, cleaning the car, paying bills, exercising........

At one point, those flowers were in a pot.

So helpful.



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