I went to get a pedicure today, it was great! I haven't gotten one in months. Honestly, I haven't gotten time to myself in months. Granted, I was surrounded by other women, and the brave men, that ditched their ego when they walked into the door, but it was nice to have a few moments to myself. I sat there for a bit, looked around, didn't even bother to get a magazine. Then I pulled out my phone.
I have come to the conclusion that we are never really by ourselves any more. Few and far between are the moments that we have to self reflect, quiet our minds, and actually relax. I found myself skimming through Facebook, checking my email, looking at Pinterest for my next DIY attempt. I found myself getting more anxious than before, when I walked into the salon.
I worry that I spend too much time on my phone. I worry that I cannot disconnect for even 30 minutes. I worry that the convenience of having everything, and I mean everything, at my fingertips is becoming more of a curse than a convenience.
I am sure you have been on Facebook, and felt that sudden burst of jealousy. That feeling of wanting to do what those other people do. Having the thoughts, "I want to be that happy.", "I would love to go on vacation, too.", "They are always doing something fun.". These thoughts do cross my mind, and I am quickly sickened about how quickly I disregard my good times, my own family's adventures, and how lucky I am to have what I have.
Sure, I wish we had a little extra income, I wish we didn't have to skimp in certain areas, and I wish we did do more as a family. But what I need to be reminded of is what we do have, what I have.
I have a beautiful life. I have my health. I have the support of my parents, whom I respect and love, so much. I have my brothers and sisters, who have literally made me into the person I am today, and who I miss on a daily basis because we don't live close to each other.
I have friends that have supported me through the challenges of motherhood and who make me laugh. Yes, I have lost a few along the way, ones I will forever miss, but the ones I have who have stuck around, and the new ones I have made, I am so grateful for.
I have a husband who would do just about anything for me, short of watching Grey's Anatomy. He strives to make this work and he is constantly making me laugh, even when things seem like they couldn't possibly get worse.
I have my daughter. I have my daughter.
Today was a good day. I was reminded of how lucky I am.
I have parents who love me, who gave me so much. I have memories of my grandparents, I was able to talk about my Grandpa to my students Friday because of the ring I wear everyday. I have friends who text me to make sure Delilah is ok and well after being sick, and who share they same joys that I do. My brothers who are so protective, my sisters who are hilarious and caring. My husband, who one day asked me to get in his car and my life was forever changed. I felt Delilah kick and move in my belly. I now know what it is like to be a mother and love something so much.
It is not always easy, like majority of the time, not easy. But, I am feeling very grateful this evening.