Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Finding the Silver Lining

I try and stay optimistic about life, and for the most part I am successful. However, there are some days where I feel like I am doing something wrong and the universe is paying me back and nothing seems to go the way I want it to. 

I have a real problem with getting excited about things. I don't usually get excited about a trip until I am en route, or excited about a job interview until I get the "You are Hired" call. Which is the subject of this post.

I have put in hundreds of applications in the past 5 years of my life, have probably had around 5 interviews, and landed 1 job. I know that is the case for everybody, but I am finding it even more difficult now that I have a baby. When I was working in sales, I interviewed internally for a position that my manger said I would be perfect for, since sales wasn't really working out for me. 

*Excuse me while I kiss Delilah's head to make me feel better*

Anyways, went through the interview, really hit it off with the manager who would be my potential boss and my own manager said it went great. Well a week later, I still had not heard anything, so I asked my manager what was going on. He brought me into a conference room, and said that I did not get the position, due to the fact that "I didn't seem excited about the position." Why they didn't tell me sooner I will never know. I spent that entire week wondering what was going on, common courtesy people. Well at the time of the interview, I was 6 months pregnant with Delilah. As soon as my manager told me I didn't get the job, I just looked blankly at him, tears starting to well up, and just pointed to my ever growing belly, which I could not disguise any longer. 

My boss and I both know that was the reason I was not hired. 

I have been so lucky to be able to stay home with Delilah for her first year, but I am ready to work and help things here financially, and selfishly, get a break from the ups and downs of being a stay at home mom. Mothers Day Out programs are just not in the budget right now. This is proving so difficult. And at times unbearable. I am trying not to get discouraged, but that is difficult too.

*Excuse me while I try and figure out why Delilah is screaming and crying*

We have been planning a trip to New York to visit my brother, who I have not seen in over a year. I am so excited because the flight is booked and we are going to get to see him in less than 3 weeks! When my parents and older brother, we are visiting my younger brother :), were deciding dates, I of course could go whenever, one of the pluses of being at home. Well, I was online and found out a store that I have wanted to work at since I found out it was in existence, was hiring! As soon as I saw that, I immediately got that fluttery feeling, excitement I suppose, and applied. A couple days later got the call for an interview, and a few days after that, had an amazing interview! I told myself I wasn't going to bring up the trip to New York unless the opportunity presented itself, it did, and I believe in full disclosure and I wasn't going to be anything but honest. Well, I didn't hear anything and then got the email. The email that just made my stomach turn and after a follow up email and further conversation, learned that it was the fact that my trip to New York was just bad timing. Go f*ing figure. 

*Sorry for the interruption, Delilah just pooped*

Time for the silver lining: Even though I am crushed because I did not get the position, I will still shop at that store and will apply again if they ever have an opening. We will figure out how to make it work financially for me to have a part time position. My brothers, parents, and I will have a blast in New York. I will probably come back weighing 25 more pounds and broke. My goal is to check out some of their baby stores to see what is out there! My husband will meet us when we get back from our trip, and I will have someone that is genuinely so happy to see me and Delilah...

* 15 minutes later... I had to put Delilah down for a nap, that is why she was screaming and crying, she had to poop and was tired*

My parents are coming in this weekend so we can celebrate my Dad's birthday. So excited about that!  I have made it a goal to do at least 30 minutes of yoga a day, which Delilah thinks is hilarious to watch. (Check out Yoga with Adriene on youtube, she has really great videos. Here is her webpage.) And finally, this came in the mail yesterday:

Find it here.

Oh and one last thing. If you live in the Austin area, go outside, it is beautiful. I had to put on a light jacket on our morning walk!

I hope everyone has a great day and can find the silver lining when things are looking a little dark and cloudy.

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