Time, Where are You, dammit?

Me and my husband were talking last night after we put itty bitty to bed. He was finishing up some work and I was piddling on my iPad. He had a very concerned look on his face and he started talking about how we don't spend that much time together anymore. He acknowledged that between the baby, cooking, cleaning, and making lunches that, that doesn't leave much time for myself. Which he understands that I need to have. He very plainly stated, "I want to do something with you so you remember why you love me."

I have always said one of the most important parts in a relationship, besides communication, is remembering why you fell in love with that person. We all get stressed out, mad at the noises he makes while eating, irritated when the sheets are all twirled up on the bed, and overwhelmed by everyday responsibilities. But when it comes down to it, I chose Byron. I chose to be with him. I fell in love with him because of the way he made me laugh and how young and gentle his heart is. We would have nightly dance parties in our living room, wrestling matches in the kitchen, and explore new places. Obviously things change, more responsibilities add up, and having a baby makes your past life almost unrecognizable. Instead of thinking about what was, we need to think about what is now.

I need to take more time with my husband, even if it is a quick touch of our hands as we pass by each other in the house. Even though there are not enough hours in the day, I need to find time to do these small gestures so we both don't forget we are in a relationship and we are people who love each other. Balance is one of the hardest thing I have encountered in motherhood. It is a daily struggle and I'm sure it will always be. I need to be ok with knowing I am not going to get everything I need to get done. It does not make me a bad mom, a bad wife, or a bad person. As I was rocking and nursing Delilah I kept saying these statements over in my head, I needed to remind myself that I am good. That I am trying. That I have a husband who wants to spend more time with me. And that it is ok to need want time to myself.





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